Demi starts her book with a poem called ‘The Guest House’ by the 13th century Persian poet Rumi that sets the scene for the depth of this book.
The Guest House (Jalaluddin Rumi)
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
Rumi
The scene of Demi’s early life is set with a broken family dealing with heartache, grief and dysfunction.
Anyone who remembers the 80’s will remember the level of success Demi reached with big movie after big movie. Demi started her career modeling and then got a role in TV on a longstanding soap opera. Aged 20, her success was accompanied by an increasingly close relationship with alcohol. Around this time Demi landed her first part in a movie with big name actors in Brazil where another addictive relationship started, this time with cocaine. Dependency followed recreation use.
St Elmo’s Fire was an iconic 80’s movie that catapulted many unknown actors in stardom. Demi became sober to keep her part on the movie which resulted in her becoming one of the brat pack, a term she disliked but one that anyone who remembers the 80s can relate to. During this movie Demi dated Emilio Estevez and their relationship lasted 2 years.
As her relationship with Emilio came to an end Bruce Willis entered her life. Her 12-year marriage to Bruce brought her 3 beautiful daughters, Rumer, Scout (with whom she was expecting in the infamous Vanity Fair cover shoot) and Tallulah. During this time she was at the height of her fame starring in the following hit movies – Ghost, The Butchers Wife, A Few Good Men, Indecent Proposal, Striptease and GI Jane.
Throughout this time, even with all her outward success, Demi admits to struggling with self-doubt and insecurity. On the outside she had it all – a movie star husband, three beautiful daughters, a successful movie career, stunning beauty and wealth beyond imagination. In contrast, on the inside she was barely keeping it together. This is a stark reminder that it is inner peace and fulfillment that ultimately brings happiness and not the glitz and glamour of external rewards or perceptions.
When Demi and Bruce divorced, it was a very difficult time for Demi as her Mother also passed away around this time. Her relationship with her Mother had been strained but after her passing, Demi showed great empathy and compassion towards her Mother, understanding she did the best she could do with the situation she was in.
Ashton Kutcher arrived in Demi’s life just when she needed someone. Demi describes her 6 year marriage to Ashton as loving but it involved bringing other people into the marriage and infidelity which ultimately led to their divorce. This separation placed Demi on a downward spiral resulting in the loss of everything, her family, her love, her work, her passion, her close relationships.
It is from this place that Demi went inside herself to rebuild her life. Not as a Mother, not as a wife, not as a movie star but just as Demi. Today Demi has mended all of her relationships and affirms she is the happiest she has ever been.
Inside Out is a fascinating story of resilience, grit, struggle and ultimate happiness reminding us that the journey of self-love can take a lifetime, but it is the prerequisite to all other relationships.
At the end of the book Demi explains why she wrote the book which gives an insight into how deeply honest the book is,
“Things happen in life to get our attention, to make us wake up. What does it say that I had to lose so much before I had to break down enough to rebuild? I think it says that the thing that got me here—this incredible toughness—was almost the thing that did me in. I got to a place where I could no longer just muscle through; I could either bend, or break.
I got here because I needed all of this to become who I am now. I had been holding on to so many misconceptions about myself all my life: that I wasn’t valuable, that I didn’t deserve to be anywhere good, whether that meant in a loving relationship on my own terms, or in a great film with actors I respected who knew what they were doing. The narrative I believed was that I was unworthy and contaminated. And it wasn’t true.
There are two reasons I wanted to tell this story, the story of how I learned to surrender. First, because it’s mine. It doesn’t belong to the tabloids, or my mom, or the men I’ve married, or the people who’ve loved or hated my movies, or even my children. My story is mine alone. I’m the only one who was there for all of it, and I decided to claim the power to tell it on my own terms. The second reason is that even though it’s mine, maybe some part of this story is yours too. I’ve had extraordinary luck in this life, both bad and good. Putting it all down in writing makes me realize how crazy a lot of it has been, how improbable. But we all suffer and we all triumph and we all get to choose how we hold both.”
It’s uplifting to hear Demi speak about where she is with her life right now, it gives us hope that no matter what you go through, no matter where you come from, no matter what your background or past is, you can rise above it all,
“I belong. Here. In myself. In this house. On this planet. I’m in my mid-50s now, I’ve outlived both of my parents, I know that what I walked through was a lot, especially coming from where I came from. The truth is, the only way out is in.”
Thanks for reading,
Siobhain
x x x
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